Saturday, 22 February 2014

Sarcastic Quotes On Life Biography.


Quotes About Sarcasm

Quotes tagged as "sarcasm" (showing 1-30 of 519)
J.K. Rowling
“Do you remember me telling you we are practicing non-verbal spells, Potter?"
"Yes," said Harry stiffly.
"Yes, sir."
"There's no need to call me "sir" Professor."
The words had escaped him before he knew what he was saying.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
tags: humor, rebellion, sarcasm 9552 likes like
J.K. Rowling
“Death's got an Invisibility Cloak?" Harry interrupted again.
"So he can sneak up on people," said Ron. "Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking...” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
tags: death, humor, sarcasm 6905 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“It means 'Shadowhunters: Looking Better in Black Than the Widows of our Enemies Since 1234'.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: humor, jace-wayland, sarcasm 6032 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Sarcasm is the last refuge of the imaginatively bankrupt.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: clary, jace, sarcasm 5536 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Malachi scowled. "I don't remember the Clave inviting you into the Glass City, Magnus Bane."
"They didn't," Magnus said. "Your wards are down."
"Really?" the Consul's voice dripped sarcasm. "I hadn't noticed."
Magnus looked concerned. "That's terrible. Someone should have told you." He glanced at Luke. "Tell him the wards are down.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass
tags: consul, humor, magnus-bane, sarcasm 5407 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Don't stop there. I suppose there are also, what, vampires and werewolves and zombies?"
"Of course there are. Although you mostly find zombies farther south, where the voudun priests are."
"What about mummies? Do they only hang around Egypt?"
"Don't be ridiculous. No one believes in mummies.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: clary-fray, jace-wayland, joke, mummies, sarcasm, vampire, werewolf, zombies 3319 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Don't tell me," Jace said, "Simon's turned himself into an ocelot and you want me to do something about it before Isabelle makes him into a stole. Well, you'll have have to wait till tomorrow. I'm out of commission." He pointed at himself - he was wearing blue pajamas with a hole in the sleeve. "Look. Jammies."
"Jace," Clary said, "this is important."
"Don't tell me," he said. "You've got a drawing emergency. You need a nude model. Well, I'm not in the mood. You could always ask Hodge," he said as an afterthought. "I hear he'll do anything for a -"
"JACE!" she interrupted him, her voice rising to a scream. "JUST SHUT UP FOR A SECOND AND LISTEN, WILL YOU?” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: clary-fray, jace-wayland, pijamas, sarcasm 3029 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“A diary with no drawings of me in it? Where are the torrid fantasies? The romance covers?” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: clary-fray, diary, humor, jace-wayland, sarcasm 2544 likes like
Jarod Kintz
“I consider conversations with people to be mind exercises, but I don't want to pull a muscle, so I stretch a lot. That's why I'm constantly either rolling my eyes or yawning.” 
― Jarod Kintz, It Occurred to Me
tags: absurd, communication, conversations, funny, humor, mind, people, relationships, sarcasm, sarcastic 2355 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“I don't want tea," said Clary, with muffled force. "I want to find my mother. And then I want to find out who took her in the first place, and I want to kill them."
"Unfortunately," said Hodge, "we're all out of bitter revenge at the moment, so it's either tea or nothing.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: clary-fray, hodge, humor, revenge, sarcasm, tea 2346 likes like
J.K. Rowling
“Why were you lurking under our window?"
"Yes - yes, good point, Petunia! What were you doing under our windows, boy?"
"Listening to the news," said Harry in a resigned voice.
His aunt and uncle exchanged looks of outrage.
"Listening to the news! Again?"
"Well, it changes every day, you see," said Harry.” 
― J.K. Rowling, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
tags: dursley, harry-potter, humor, news, sarcasm 2342 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Alec looked at her and shook his head. "How do you manage never to get mud on your clothes?"
Isabelle shrugged philosophically. "I'm pure at heart. It repels the dirt.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
tags: alec-lightwood, city-of-ashes, clean, dirt, humor, isabelle-lightwood, sarcasm 1826 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“Sebastian just smiled. “I could hear your heart beating,” he said softly. “When you were watching me with Valentine. Did it bother you?”
“That you seem to be dating my dad?” Jace shrugged. "You’re a little young for him, to be honest.”
“What?” For the first time since Jace had met him, Sebastian seemed flabbergasted.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Glass
tags: humor, jace-wayland, realization, sarcasm, sebastian, valentine-morgenstern 1790 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“A little girl robbed you?" Tessa said.
"Actually, she wasn’t a little girl at all, as it turns out, but a midget in a dress with a penchant for violence, who goes by the name of Six-Fingered Nigel."
"Easy mistake to make," Jem said.” 
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
tags: sarcasm 1451 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“It’s fascinating. You know all these words, and they’re all English, but when you string them together into sentences, they just don’t make any sense.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Fallen Angels
tags: city-of-fallen-angels, humor, jace-lightwood, sarcasm 1402 likes like
Jim Butcher
“Are you always a smartass?'

Nope. Sometimes I'm asleep.” 
― Jim Butcher, Blood Rites
tags: humor, impudence, sarcasm, smartass 1240 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“I don't do what I'm told, but I might do what you want if you ask me nicely.” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Ashes
tags: humor, imogen-herondale, impudence, jace-wayland, obedience, rebelliousness, sarcasm 1197 likes like
Brandon Sanderson
“You see, that is the sad, sorry, terrible thing about sarcasm.

It's really funny.” 
― Brandon Sanderson, Alcatraz Versus the Evil Librarians
tags: humor, sarcasm 1133 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“By the Angel," Jace said, looking the demon up and down. "I knew Greater Demons were meant to be ugly, but no one ever warned me about the smell."
Abbadon opened its mouth and hissed. Inside its mouth were two rows of jagged glass-sharp teeth.
"I'm not sure about this wind and howling darkness business," Jace went on, "smells more like landfill to me. You sure you're not from Staten Island?” 
― Cassandra Clare, City of Bones
tags: bravado, demon, fearlessness, humor, jace-wayland, sarcasm, taunting, teasing 1094 likes like
Suzanne Collins
“Oh, and I suppose the apples ate the cheese.” 
― Suzanne Collins, The Hunger Games
tags: sarcasm 891 likes like
Neil Gaiman
“We...we could be friends.'

We COULD be rare specimens of an exotic breed of dancing African elephants, but we're not. At least, I'M not.” 
― Neil Gaiman, Coraline
tags: cats, friends, sarcasm 747 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“I'm sorry. I use my rapier wit to hide my inner pain.” 
― Cassandra Clare
tags: defense-mechanism, humor, sarcasm 694 likes like
Becca Fitzpatrick
“What was up with class today? It was watered-down porn. He practically had you and Patch on top of your lab table, horizontal, minus your clothes, doing the Big Deed.” 
― Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush
tags: biology, humour, sarcasm 637 likes like
Lorrie Moore
“This is what happened in love. One of you cried a lot and then both of you grew sarcastic.” 
― Lorrie Moore, Like Life
tags: love, relationships, sarcasm 598 likes like
Erin Hunter
“Silverstream: You idiot!!! What are you doing in my territory???
Silverstream: Can't you do that in your own territory?
Graystripe: Ah, but who would rescue me there?” 
― Erin Hunter
tags: fire-and-ice, graystripe, sarcasm, silverstream, warriors 597 likes like
Cassandra Clare
“While the Clave disapproves of trespassers, oddly they take an even darker view of beheading and skinning people. They're peculiar that way.” 
― Cassandra Clare, Clockwork Angel
tags: clave, humour, sarcasm, will-herondale 558 likes like
Oliver Goldsmith
“Ask me no questions, and I'll tell you no lies.” 
― Oliver Goldsmith
tags: ask, humor, lies, questions, sarcasm, wit, witty 526 likes like
Irina Dunn
“A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” 
― Irina Dunn
tags: humor, non-sequitur, sarcasm, women 458 likes like
Philip Pullman
“I am a story teller. If I wanted to send a message I would have written a sermon.” 
― Philip Pullman
tags: sarcasm, writing 406 likes like
Christopher Moore
“It's wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.” 

― Christopher Moore, Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ's Childhood Pal.
Sarcasm is an obscure form of humor that needs an acquired taste to appreciate. If you are a fan of Chandler Bing from the popular series, 'Friends', you know what I am trying to say. That guy just keeps coming up with sarcastic lines all the time. Sarcasm is disguised humor and mockery which can even pass as a straight statement if not understood carefully. If you are someone like 'Joey' (from the same series 'Friends'), you will have a tough time detecting it. That's the beauty of sarcasm. It takes the concept of 'double meaning' to a whole new level. Dr. Gregory House from House MD, is another character that keeps dishing out great sarcasm. Here is a compilation of sarcastic quotes about life that will put things in a funny perspective. To read through them, would be a delight for sarcasm lovers, who enjoy its sting and wit.

Superbly Sarcastic Sayings

Here are some sarcastic literary pearls by some great minds.

"I am not young enough to know everything." - Oscar Wilde

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." - Oscar Wilde

"Marriage is the chief cause of divorce." - Groucho Marx

"History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives." - Abba Eban

"I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones." - Albert Einstein

"Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe." - Albert Einstein

"Not everything that can be counted counts, and not everything that counts can be counted." - (Sign in Albert Einstein's Office)

"In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep." - Albert Einstein

"Education is what remains after one has forgotten everything he learned in school." - Albert Einstein

"The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation but not the power of speech." - George Bernard Shaw

Murphy's Laws

Murphy's Laws are a universal set of sarcastic quotes about life, born out of collective wisdom!

"If anything can go wrong, it will."

"Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse."

"Enough research will tend to support whatever theory."

"Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse."

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."

"You will always find something in the last place you look."

Funny Sayings

Here are some funny and utterly sarcastic quotes.

"What we feel and think and is to a great extent determined by the state of our ductless glands and viscera " - Aldous Huxley

"Often it does seem a pity that Noah and his party did not miss the boat." - Mark Twain

"Reality is just a crutch for people who can't cope with drugs." - Robin Williams

"God gave men both a penis and a brain, but unfortunately not enough blood supply to run both at the same time." - Robin Williams

"Politics: 'Poli' a Latin word meaning 'many'; and 'tics' meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'." - Robin Williams

"People say satire is dead. It's not dead; it's alive and living in the White House." - Robin Williams

"Ah, yes, divorce ... from the Latin word meaning to rip out a man's genitals through his wallet." - Robin Williams

"He was happily married - but his wife wasn't." - Victor Borge

Sarcastic Sayings About Love & Murphy's Laws

How could love escape the grasp of sarcasm? Here are some sarcastic remarks on love and its nature.

"All the good ones are taken."

"If the person isn't taken, there's a reason."

"Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant.
This constant is always zero." - Van Den Bossche Jochen

"Money can't buy love, but it sure gets you a great bargaining position."

"The best things in the world are free - and worth every penny of it."

"The more beautiful the woman is who loves you, the easier it is to leave her with no hard feelings."

"Virginity can be cured."

"Love your neighbor, but don't get caught."

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence."

"A man in love is incomplete until he has married. Then he's finished." - Zsa Zsa Gabor

"Romance has been elegantly defined as the offspring of fiction and love." - Benjamin Disraeli

"It's a match made in a retarded angel." - Woody Allen

Sarcastic Inspirational Quotes About Life

Here are some sarcastic quotes which are good food for thought.

"What you have become, is the price you paid to get what you used to want." - Mignon McLaughlin

"People that pay for things never complain. It's the guy you give something to that you can't please." - Will Rogers

"A half truth is a whole lie."- Yiddish Proverb

"Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy." - Cynthia Nelms

"Opportunities are like sunsets. If you wait too long, you miss them." - William Arthur Ward

"What are the proper proportions of a maxim? A minimum of sound to a maximum of sense."- Mark Twain

"An optimist thinks that this is the best possible world. A pessimist fears that this is true."- Robert Oppenheimer

"The more that learn to read, the less learn how to make a living. That's one thing about a little education. It spoils you for actual work. The more you know the more you think somebody owes you a living." - Will Rogers

Sarcasm has a way of putting forward the reality of life in a humorous form. Sarcasm is humor used as a weapon. It makes you realize hard realities while making you laugh. Hope these quotes have renewed your respect for sarcasm. Laugh lots and don't take life too seriously; for it's a joke upon us and we might as well enjoy it.

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